The Take Homes From September’s MHN
In September, Midlands Hospitality Network met at UCB in Birmingham for a session on confidence with Robyn Fillep from Becoming. It was one of the best mixes of people we’ve had in the room, with first-timers sitting alongside regulars, and UCB alumni chatting with students who are still studying there. Everyone came with something different they wanted to work on, and most people left with something they could try the very next day.
The session was about the difference between real confidence and the performed version so many of us put on at work. Hospitality is full of people who are brilliant at looking confident. You learn to smile at a table that’s been waiting too long for their food, and to stand up in front of a team briefing when actually you have a good case of imposter syndrom. That costume gets you through service, but it doesn’t always help you back yourself when it counts.
Start by spotting your tell
Robyn’s first point was that before you can change anything, you have to recognise what you do when your confidence drops. Everyone has their “thing”. Some people laugh a lot, while others shrink and go quiet. Some talk too much and fill every gap in the conversation. Some overthink to the point where they stop trusting their own judgement. Plenty of people carry Impostor Syndrome around with them, convinced that any minute now someone is going to work out they don’t belong.
After telling the room about what Imposter Syndrom us, she asked the room, who here thinks they have Imposter Syndrom? And most of the audience put up their hands.
Then make one small change
The biggest takeaway of the afternoon was to start small. Once you know what your tell is, that’s where you look for one change, and it should be small enough that you’ll stick with it.
For a lifelong yes person, that might mean finally saying no. For someone who always says no, it might mean saying yes – and crucially asking yourself “by saying yes what might this open up for me?”. It could be sitting in a silence instead of rushing to fill it, or not laughing at something you don’t find funny. It might even be asking a question that throws people off their script. “What’s your favourite dinosaur?” got a big laugh in the room, and it works better than you’d think, because people answer it as themselves instead of as their job title. We are more than our jobs, aren’t we?
The leadership gap
Becoming’s work goes beyond confidence. They also help people bridge the gap between skill and experience, and develop as leaders. That struck a chord with a lot of people in the room, because it’s such a familiar hospitality story. Someone is brilliant on the floor or in the kitchen, so they get promoted, and then nobody shows them how to lead. They’re left to work it out on their own, often while managing people who used to be their peers.
That’s a failure in how our industry develops people, and it’s on employers to fix it. If you think your team could do with support on confidence or leadership, Becoming are well worth having a chat with.
About MHN
MHN runs every two months on a Tuesday afternoon in Birmingham, from 3pm to 5:30pm. It’s free, and it’s for everyone who works in hospitality, whether you run a business, manage a team or are looking for your next role. The only people we keep out are suppliers, so nobody spends the afternoon being sold to.
The Ask
Speak or host in 2027
We’re planning our 2027 sessions now, and we’re looking for speakers and venues.
If you have something to say that would help people in hospitality do their jobs better or look after themselves, we’d love to hear from you.
If you run a venue in Birmingham with space for around fifty plus people on a Tuesday afternoon, we’d love to bring MHN to you.
Get in touch at caitlin.allwood@tonictalent.com.
Our next session is on Tuesday the 24th of November at Unique Venues Birmingham, hosted by Michelle Moreno. Details and booking link here.
